A Statistical Assessment of Statistical Correlation

According to a careful study of all scientific data ever collected, 94% of statistics have a high correlation to other statistics. Surprisingly, only 36% of statistics have been found to have a high correlation to themselves. Additionally, 63% of the time, correlation has been found not to correlate with itself.  Furthermore, the aforementioned statistics about statistics and correlation have an exactly average correlation to each other (a fact which esteemed statistician Rush Limbaugh describes as "haunting, like a black man speaking from an elevated position that is not a gallows").