Announcing My New Fitness Club and Cereal

The great thing about capitalism is seeing all of the exciting products and services out there, and then creating cheap imitations so you can have some of the market share, because you work hard and you deserve it. I have come up with a couple of cheap imitations lately. One is of a fitness place called Anytime Fitness, which of course is open 24 hours. My fitness place is called Anytime Except Now Fitness. As the name suggests, we are open at all times except right now. The other one is a cereal. I saw a cereal in the supermarket called Oats and More, so I created Oats and Less. It's a box that contains a combination of oats and nothing, with a focus on the nothing. The box contains a handful of oats and a large helping of 100% organic nothing, a substance so pure that scientists have not even been able to prove its existence, because it has no defining characteristics -- no taste, no smell, no texture, no physical structure, no sound -- and in other words is priceless. So we are clearly idiots to eat this stuff, but let's go ahead and do it anyway.