Somewhere in middle America, a large, hairy transvestite addresses a high school cheerleading practice via bullhorn from behind a chain-link fence:
"Let's all burn our bras. The Man will have finally won if we don't all take off our shirts and our bras, and then burn our bras. Or not burn them even, but at least take off our shirts and our bras, and just stand here looking angry-- I think that will get the point across. No, not angry. That's too obvious. I think more sultry, and pouty, and a little coy. The system hates pouty and coy women. And then let's burn our underwear -- or at least take them off and throw them up in a tree.
"I don't know, it does seem important that we set something on fire. We need to stand around here naked making a ruckus until we get puppies and rainbows the rights to vote. God did not give us dominion over the puppies and rainbows so that they could not have equal rights. God is pro-rainbow suffrage. In puppy voting as in life, communication is key. When you point at a name on the ballot, and the puppy wags its tail, you've got your answer.
"On second thought, the puppies don't demand full voting rights, and we really shouldn't give them that -- that would be irresponsible. What we can allow them to do is fully determine the outcome of some of the smaller offices, school board posts and things like that. The rainbow should each get two votes, because since they are pure physical reality, they can see everything without bias. They aren't caught up in the webs of profiteering prophets such as L. Ron Hubbard or Macho Man Randy Savage (no rainbow votes for him if he ever runs for geologic hazard abatement district director).
"At the risk of sounding momentarily dispassionate and unfervent, one important note of caution: Though I am organizing this bra burning event, and I want nothing more than for us to get naked and start shouting as soon as possible, we must keep a tight leash on these rainbows as we usher them into full citizenship, or our entire civilization will spiral out of control. As Albert Einstein once famously said (a quote later butchered by John F. Kennedy), 'Ask not what if a rainbow could talk, but if a rainbow could talk, how we would get it to shut up.'"
