Inner-city Prostate Exams

So I was giving myself a prostate exam in the middle of Madison Avenue in New York City when I thought, "Man, is this advisable? For that matter, is it socially responsible for me to be doing this? Do I have the proper training to be administering this exam or assessing its results? Is that car going to run me over? Oh shit, that car is going to run me over. Man, this is painful, this exam; and getting hit by this car, this is painful too. Wow, I'm flying through the air, and I still have a couple of finger in my ass. That can't be good. Congratulations, self, the results of the exam are normal."