I submit these lyrics to be developed into a song by Travis Tritt. If anyone knows him, please have him contact me via supernatural, vaguely painful spinal sensation. Mr. Tritt, please sing this song with your legendary (or at least passable) twang and country soul.
Two Steps Forward and One Step Back
We get pulled in two different directions ... at once
Satan, he got one leg, and the Good Lord, he got the other
Ow-ee, I don't want to be torn asunder
By the dark prince of the degenerates
And the maker of lightning and thunder
Two steps forward and one step back
Read the Bible and smoke some crack
Life is such a crazy line dance
Two steps forward and one step back
Two steps forward and one step back
Pray on your knees and get high on smack
Life is such a crazy line dance
Two steps forward and one step back
Two steps forward and one step back
Convert a Muslim and cut Jews some slack
Life is such a crazy line dance
Two steps forward and one step back
Two steps forward and one step back
Quote the 700 Club as you give your housecleaner's ass a smack
Life is such a crazy line dance
Two steps forward and one step back
Two steps forward and one step back
Take communion and run around naked like a maniac
Life is such a crazy line dance
Two steps forward and one step back
[gospel chorus with a bunch of backup singers]
Choose the Jesus Leg, Choose the Jesus Leg,
The Jesus Leg is the right leg.
(elongated ascending harp strum)
