Early Monday morning, futurist researchers exhumed Nostradamus' body and found what onsite historians agree is an early draft of the Declaration of Independence stuffed inside his skull. The draft is identical to the final document except for one sentence, which in the Nostradamus Skull Version (NSV) appears as this: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, and that a legion of gay Jewish Scientologist aliens is controlling our media and manipulating our children through video games, marketing, and other forms of mass mind control into preparation for an intergalactic and apocalyptic battle to occur in 2012." This of course proves genius social critic Bill O'Reilly's basic theories on the development of human society correct.