I'm sick of waiting for the Obama administration and these jokers in Congress to fix the health care system. We need to take immediate action so that all newborns can have a "born-on" date tattooed on their forehead. As these babies grow up, this would allow us to determine freshness without having to have an awkward conversation; awkward conversations about individual freshness are threatening the foundations of our democracy. Girls should be tattooed in this manner immediately after the severing of the umbilical cord. Boys should have it done directly preceding the mutilation of their genitals (after which, of course, they become fully human).
Note to Foreigners: The best way to keep the most sensitive part of the male anatomy clean is to cut it off the body. Not having had this done is why you and your stick-worshiping friends masturbate so much.